you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
