hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
