I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
