Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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