It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
