I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
