I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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