I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
