Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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