I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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