So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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