He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
