You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Acid is not a monday night drug
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
