MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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