guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
