the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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