To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
