why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
