I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
