Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
