Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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