is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
