You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
