i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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