she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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