I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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