so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
