Screwed.edu
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
