I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
