jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
