she woke up with a sticky ear
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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