So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
