dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
