How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
