ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
