If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry about my life...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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