I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
