somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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