Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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