first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
