he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
