your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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