your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
