Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
