i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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