A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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