well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
