One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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