Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
