Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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