We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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